Ted vs. the Attack Collies

Ted vs. the Attack Collies

The following transcript was recorded on June 5, 1990, at about 11:30 pm, by Kumquoto:

#2[T1:/mh) ohoh.. #4[T1:ekiM) was she /ping you too ?? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) what for? #2[T1:/mh) yah.. why what did she say to you? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) why is anne pissed at you guys? #4[T1:ekiM) I dunno...cause I did'nt answer her i guess #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) you been annoying her? P#2[T1:/mh) she likes me and 'it aint mutual'
One of the great
things about
D-Dial was that
there were no
class distinctions
-- I had a wide
variety of friends
from all over the
county, many of
them people I
would otherwise
never have met. /p2 you've met her? P#2[T1:/mh) on friday i stopped by.. boy are people in easton spoiled compared to stford /p2 why's that? #4[T1:ekiM) nothing really....she just kept /p4  me and saying "mike????" #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) well why didn't you answer? #4[T1:ekiM) what about U? P#2[T1:/mh) she lives in a small house 3 houses from the turnpike... different from our 'mansions' in the woods /p2 yeah i suppose so. so why don't you like her? #2[T1:/mh) me? #4[T1:ekiM) did'nt want to...(deep into modem sex) #4[T1:ekiM) heh #2[T1:/mh) mike, you were great.. heres 50c.. twice the going rate
MH's real name
was Adam. #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) yeah i hear adam's good. P#2[T1:/mh) different people /p2 ah. what'd you talk about? #4[T1:ekiM) wow!!!! gee thanx....have to do it again! #2[T1:/mh) oh, talk dirty to me CUMquoto #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) sm00ch #4[T1:ekiM) hehehe.... #4[T1:ekiM) mabenot /p2 ted (omni man) says the same thing... she likes him but it's "not mutual" P#2[T1:/mh) he went out with her though /p2 true. you wouldn't even try her out... heh P#2[T1:/mh) its not worth it... i am too choosy.. i havent had a date in a few months.. i have to lower my standards like my friends... or drink heavy and BEER GOGGLE /p2 that always works. --> #7 Login -->. + #7[T1:Omni Man-iac:#030* #4[T1:ekiM) Omni!!!!!! #2[T1:/mh) heya ominguy #2[T1:/mh) omniguytoo #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) hey hey
I was famous (or
possibly infamous)
for my "macros,"
which were ASCII
files I'd created
to display online
as greetings. #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP)   ______ _    _ __   _ _ |  __  | \  / |  \ | | | | |  | |  \/  |   \| | | | |__| |      | |\   | | |______|_|\/|_|_| \__|_| /p7 hey giy what's up? /p2 oh boy it's ted, anne's buddy.... P#2[T1:/mh) no shit... P#2[T1:/mh) i wonder if she just talked to him /p2 I don't doubt it, except that he's been complaining about her, and vice versa. P#2[T1:/mh) i know. /p2 oooh gossip, Like Sands Through The Internal Clock, So Are The Days Of Our D-Dial... P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nuttin much..feelin funny and i dont know what scuse me while i kiss the hair pie /p7 have fun... I know it's a good time to d-dial. P#2[T1:/mh) the nights... the nights /p2 oh yeah sorry P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) suo with chu? /p7 absolutley nothing. you getting along any better with anne? #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) graduation is now at hand #2[T1:/mh) hah.. high school was the best 6 years of my life #4[T1:ekiM) 6 years ?????? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) oops typo he meant 7
Fairfield Prep was
the name of Ted's
high school. #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) class of 90 im ouuta here..hahah i graduated as the person most likely to have my name remain mud at prep as far as the school is concered <im a trouble maker> P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) y should i shes a wench...she below my level and shes really not worth my time..... /p7 good to hear you won't be wasting any time harassing her then. #4[T1:ekiM) O'well duuuuudddddeeeessssssssssI gotta go..work 2morrow....... #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) bye ekiM #2[T1:/mh) later eeekim #4[T1:ekiM) seeyas -->. - #4[T1:ekiM:#140* /p2 I haven't met anne, but she seems to be a nice enough person. /p2 course, I haven't met ted either. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no i cant afford to harrass her im too busyy just as long as she lays off the false accusations on wing foot..i went to her house today but her dad was standin ther with 5 guys..i really dinna feel like gettin P#2[T1:/mh) oh, shes super nice, but theres more to life than that /p2 true, true. #2[T1:/mh) later-o all.. live long and wander #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) byebye Adam. #2[T1:/mh) click... poof -->. - #2[T1:/mh:#239* P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) arrested and didnt have anything to say anyhow and i was late toh  habng with my freinds..plus i decided that if im to be a devoted rebel....who the fuck cares? i make waves and have fun /p7 good to hear you're putting it behind you. /p7 maybe now fil'll lay off.
Many D-Dial
members had "/m
slots," which were
ads or quotes that
would appear
during chat
sessions. Anne
(Ribbon) had /mx.
Ted had /ma. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nah dont say that makes her soud like she won u think she did? look at /mx she tnhhinks she did...ge e i think thats aimed at me..delete it? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i do care about fil..hes been on my back since colleen /p7 well if you'd lay off harassing the women it wouldn't come back at you like that. /MX Ribbons Messages                  Congratulations To THe Class of 1990! Victory is So DAmn Sweet :) /p7 i will not delete /mx just because you don't like it. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) correction i DONT care about feel..hes beneath me..and as no exaggertion i could easily kill him because i have no control over my sanity or boody when i get hurt...hed punch me id get hurt and then i wouldnt /ma OMNI'S ANGLE IM BACK!! revenge is sweeter than the blood which flows from thy victim carpe diem! class of 90..in the end the presure and the violence those of the creed, triumphed in glory omni 030 /p7 it's not like /ma is all that sweet. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) remeber anything id just snap out of a daze and hed be onion spoup ita happened b4.....i killed three dogs by accident i think...one bit cause i was walking through a neighbors yard....i was pissed then i just P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) remeber thre dogs on the ground barely wimpering..three days later they all came out of shock and died /p7 well that wasn't very nice of you... i should warn fil, next time I see him. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) oh big deal like fil is gonna care im a dog killer..hahahahah...i know im insane..hehehe hohhoh <putting on joker make up>.../ma isnt aimed at her..its a reference to stryder i worte it in his year book /p7 what kind of dogs? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) sides .mx had profanity in it..my dog is offended /p7 so what happened to you as arelult of your killings? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) collies , they were collies..and one was a i think a boxer..all tho i never seen a boxer live beroe i think it might have been one /p7 result. /p7 "relult"? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) What the dogs???...neighbors tried to sue me but the dogs were known for being biters an were targetting for extermination if they bit again...so i got my hospital billl and medication taken care of P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) the damn collie bit me in the ass /p7 still, it's against the law to kill dogs... two of them didn't bite you. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no..its not against the law..and the other two jumped in when i bean the first on the head with a plumbners wrench anf tried to run me down..so i stabbe one with a srew driver and the collie jumped on me /p7 gee, I've never seen a vicious collie. lassie never attacked anyone without a very good reason. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) the second one..and i broke his neck cause he jumped on me and i was trying to get im off /p7 i thought you said all you remembered was the dogs lieing there whimpering and not any of the actual "battle" /p7 actually, i believe you said "remebered"
For all I know,
Ted might have
been right about
collies being good
attack dogs. But
that wouldn't have
made his story any
more believable. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) actually...collies are better fighters than dober mans if u are familar with dogs. they go for the throat inna fight...a collue has alot of hair on his throat and thus its harder for it to get kilt /p7 but you hit it on the head with a wrench. i bet the hair helped it there, huh? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no//im theorizing..kinda guess in like...i know i brokes ones neck and i remember tyhe pipe..and the other had a punchure wound of some sort so iguess i hit with my screew driver /p7 what are you, columbo? /p7 or quincy m.e.? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nope it didnt didf it..hmm cant remeber if i useda wrench or that three quarter pip[e....i just kinda hit it expecting to run away.....musta been trained normal mutt proably wouldda P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no..i got a police epot from the corroner telling me the damage done to the dogs..it was part of the law suit P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) sute? suit? /p7 oooh a trained attack colilie. /p7 "suit." P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) how do i know...it was furry lokked like lassie...had a twin brothwr and it bit me...twtas a collie rught? /p7 Coming soon to a theater near you: "Omni Man Versus The Twin Collies From Hell" /p7 (and their friend, the boxer) P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) and i didnt like the doggie so i hit it P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i didnt MEAN to kill it i was an accident i was just tryin to beat it up some cause the bite hurt /p7 so what was the trial like? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i never seen a boxer i kinda like a mini great dane no? /p7 not really. /p7 "Omni Man Versus The Twin Attack Collies From Hell And Their Freind, A Great Dane Puppy" P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) it got thrown outta court or settled outta court or sumthin never went to or apperaed in court....i just know i didnt have to pay for the staple in my ass /p7 so you sued them? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) wht a bnoxer look like....this dog was ooo thigh hieght...brown...short hair and stuby tail...and short ears that stood upright /p7 yeah that sounds like a boxer, great dane is different... /p7 boxers are kinda ugly like. danes are pretty dogs. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no a counter suit i think..my dad lawyer handled it and told us what was going on...after i got the staple outt my ass i really didnt care...i never did get along with dogs /p7 when was all this? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) a danes a pretty dog..i thought they were like really big boxers?...and y do the call the dogs boxer..it tried to bite me no spar me P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) o shit over the summer..heh it was my fault tho i kinda tormented the dogs alot...<:)>
These are other
stories Ted had
related, along
with one about
him having been
wounded in
Vietnam. /p7 of course. was this before or after you got shot and fell off the 500 foot cliff? /p7 and why didn't you just use witchcraft to put the dog to sleep and make your escpae? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) hhm..shot was this november...the cliff was///hmm two yeaqrs ago? when i was in the boy scoots..aqnd 500 feets an exaggeration on my part but it was a hefty fall P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) like i can really make dogs go puff?,,heh yeah right..i read stupid books i dont shoot lightenting bolts /p7 well goodnight, and watch out for killer cocker spaniels at graduation... #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) bye. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) my freind told me i fell off the cliff and bounced like a pilsbury dough boy.... /p7 hah. /p7 or isn't that funny? #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) bye..haha glad they werent pit bulls or itd still be attached to my ass....

	`#2[T1:/mh) ohoh.. #4[T1:ekiM) was she /ping you too ?? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) what for? #2[T1:/mh) yah.. why what did she say to you? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) why is anne pissed at you guys? #4[T1:ekiM) I dunno...cause I did'nt answer her i guess #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) you been annoying her? P#2[T1:/mh) she likes me and 'it aint mutual'`
One of the great things about D-Dial was that there were no class distinctions -- I had a wide variety of friends from all over the county, many of them people I would otherwise never have met.	/p2 you've met her? P#2[T1:/mh) on friday i stopped by.. boy are people in easton spoiled compared to stford /p2 why's that? #4[T1:ekiM) nothing really....she just kept /p4 me and saying "mike????" #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) well why didn't you answer? #4[T1:ekiM) what about U? P#2[T1:/mh) she lives in a small house 3 houses from the turnpike... different from our 'mansions' in the woods /p2 yeah i suppose so. so why don't you like her? #2[T1:/mh) me? #4[T1:ekiM) did'nt want to...(deep into modem sex) #4[T1:ekiM) heh #2[T1:/mh) mike, you were great.. heres 50c.. twice the going rate
MH's real name was Adam.	#1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) yeah i hear adam's good. P#2[T1:/mh) different people /p2 ah. what'd you talk about? #4[T1:ekiM) wow!!!! gee thanx....have to do it again! #2[T1:/mh) oh, talk dirty to me CUMquoto #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) sm00ch #4[T1:ekiM) hehehe.... #4[T1:ekiM) mabenot /p2 ted (omni man) says the same thing... she likes him but it's "not mutual" P#2[T1:/mh) he went out with her though /p2 true. you wouldn't even try her out... heh P#2[T1:/mh) its not worth it... i am too choosy.. i havent had a date in a few months.. i have to lower my standards like my friends... or drink heavy and BEER GOGGLE /p2 that always works. --> #7 Login -->. + #7[T1:Omni Man-iac:#030* #4[T1:ekiM) Omni!!!!!! #2[T1:/mh) heya ominguy #2[T1:/mh) omniguytoo #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) hey hey
I was famous (or possibly infamous) for my "macros," which were ASCII files I'd created to display online as greetings.	#1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) ______ _ _ __ _ _ \| __ \| \ / \| \ \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \/ \| \\| \| \| \| \|__\| \| \| \|\ \| \| \|______\|_\|\/\|_\|_\| \__\|_\| /p7 hey giy what's up? /p2 oh boy it's ted, anne's buddy.... P#2[T1:/mh) no shit... P#2[T1:/mh) i wonder if she just talked to him /p2 I don't doubt it, except that he's been complaining about her, and vice versa. P#2[T1:/mh) i know. /p2 oooh gossip, Like Sands Through The Internal Clock, So Are The Days Of Our D-Dial... P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nuttin much..feelin funny and i dont know what scuse me while i kiss the hair pie /p7 have fun... I know it's a good time to d-dial. P#2[T1:/mh) the nights... the nights /p2 oh yeah sorry P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) suo with chu? /p7 absolutley nothing. you getting along any better with anne? #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) graduation is now at hand #2[T1:/mh) hah.. high school was the best 6 years of my life #4[T1:ekiM) 6 years ?????? #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) oops typo he meant 7
Fairfield Prep was the name of Ted's high school.	#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) class of 90 im ouuta here..hahah i graduated as the person most likely to have my name remain mud at prep as far as the school is concered <im a trouble maker> P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) y should i shes a wench...she below my level and shes really not worth my time..... /p7 good to hear you won't be wasting any time harassing her then. #4[T1:ekiM) O'well duuuuudddddeeeessssssssssI gotta go..work 2morrow....... #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) bye ekiM #2[T1:/mh) later eeekim #4[T1:ekiM) seeyas -->. - #4[T1:ekiM:#140* /p2 I haven't met anne, but she seems to be a nice enough person. /p2 course, I haven't met ted either. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no i cant afford to harrass her im too busyy just as long as she lays off the false accusations on wing foot..i went to her house today but her dad was standin ther with 5 guys..i really dinna feel like gettin P#2[T1:/mh) oh, shes super nice, but theres more to life than that /p2 true, true. #2[T1:/mh) later-o all.. live long and wander #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) byebye Adam. #2[T1:/mh) click... poof -->. - #2[T1:/mh:#239* P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) arrested and didnt have anything to say anyhow and i was late toh habng with my freinds..plus i decided that if im to be a devoted rebel....who the fuck cares? i make waves and have fun /p7 good to hear you're putting it behind you. /p7 maybe now fil'll lay off.
Many D-Dial members had "`/m` slots," which were ads or quotes that would appear during chat sessions. Anne (Ribbon) had `/mx`. Ted had `/ma`.	P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nah dont say that makes her soud like she won u think she did? look at /mx she tnhhinks she did...ge e i think thats aimed at me..delete it? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i do care about fil..hes been on my back since colleen /p7 well if you'd lay off harassing the women it wouldn't come back at you like that. /MX Ribbons Messages Congratulations To THe Class of 1990! Victory is So DAmn Sweet :) /p7 i will not delete /mx just because you don't like it. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) correction i DONT care about feel..hes beneath me..and as no exaggertion i could easily kill him because i have no control over my sanity or boody when i get hurt...hed punch me id get hurt and then i wouldnt /ma OMNI'S ANGLE IM BACK!! revenge is sweeter than the blood which flows from thy victim carpe diem! class of 90..in the end the presure and the violence those of the creed, triumphed in glory omni 030 /p7 it's not like /ma is all that sweet. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) remeber anything id just snap out of a daze and hed be onion spoup ita happened b4.....i killed three dogs by accident i think...one bit cause i was walking through a neighbors yard....i was pissed then i just P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) remeber thre dogs on the ground barely wimpering..three days later they all came out of shock and died /p7 well that wasn't very nice of you... i should warn fil, next time I see him. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) oh big deal like fil is gonna care im a dog killer..hahahahah...i know im insane..hehehe hohhoh <putting on joker make up>.../ma isnt aimed at her..its a reference to stryder i worte it in his year book /p7 what kind of dogs? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) sides .mx had profanity in it..my dog is offended /p7 so what happened to you as arelult of your killings? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) collies , they were collies..and one was a i think a boxer..all tho i never seen a boxer live beroe i think it might have been one /p7 result. /p7 "relult"? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) What the dogs???...neighbors tried to sue me but the dogs were known for being biters an were targetting for extermination if they bit again...so i got my hospital billl and medication taken care of P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) the damn collie bit me in the ass /p7 still, it's against the law to kill dogs... two of them didn't bite you. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no..its not against the law..and the other two jumped in when i bean the first on the head with a plumbners wrench anf tried to run me down..so i stabbe one with a srew driver and the collie jumped on me /p7 gee, I've never seen a vicious collie. lassie never attacked anyone without a very good reason. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) the second one..and i broke his neck cause he jumped on me and i was trying to get im off /p7 i thought you said all you remembered was the dogs lieing there whimpering and not any of the actual "battle" /p7 actually, i believe you said "remebered"
For all I know, Ted might have been right about collies being good attack dogs. But that wouldn't have made his story any more believable.	P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) actually...collies are better fighters than dober mans if u are familar with dogs. they go for the throat inna fight...a collue has alot of hair on his throat and thus its harder for it to get kilt /p7 but you hit it on the head with a wrench. i bet the hair helped it there, huh? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no//im theorizing..kinda guess in like...i know i brokes ones neck and i remember tyhe pipe..and the other had a punchure wound of some sort so iguess i hit with my screew driver /p7 what are you, columbo? /p7 or quincy m.e.? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) nope it didnt didf it..hmm cant remeber if i useda wrench or that three quarter pip[e....i just kinda hit it expecting to run away.....musta been trained normal mutt proably wouldda P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no..i got a police epot from the corroner telling me the damage done to the dogs..it was part of the law suit P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) sute? suit? /p7 oooh a trained attack colilie. /p7 "suit." P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) how do i know...it was furry lokked like lassie...had a twin brothwr and it bit me...twtas a collie rught? /p7 Coming soon to a theater near you: "Omni Man Versus The Twin Collies From Hell" /p7 (and their friend, the boxer) P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) and i didnt like the doggie so i hit it P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i didnt MEAN to kill it i was an accident i was just tryin to beat it up some cause the bite hurt /p7 so what was the trial like? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) i never seen a boxer i kinda like a mini great dane no? /p7 not really. /p7 "Omni Man Versus The Twin Attack Collies From Hell And Their Freind, A Great Dane Puppy" P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) it got thrown outta court or settled outta court or sumthin never went to or apperaed in court....i just know i didnt have to pay for the staple in my ass /p7 so you sued them? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) wht a bnoxer look like....this dog was ooo thigh hieght...brown...short hair and stuby tail...and short ears that stood upright /p7 yeah that sounds like a boxer, great dane is different... /p7 boxers are kinda ugly like. danes are pretty dogs. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) no a counter suit i think..my dad lawyer handled it and told us what was going on...after i got the staple outt my ass i really didnt care...i never did get along with dogs /p7 when was all this? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) a danes a pretty dog..i thought they were like really big boxers?...and y do the call the dogs boxer..it tried to bite me no spar me P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) o shit over the summer..heh it was my fault tho i kinda tormented the dogs alot...<:)>
These are other stories Ted had related, along with one about him having been wounded in Vietnam.	/p7 of course. was this before or after you got shot and fell off the 500 foot cliff? /p7 and why didn't you just use witchcraft to put the dog to sleep and make your escpae? P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) hhm..shot was this november...the cliff was///hmm two yeaqrs ago? when i was in the boy scoots..aqnd 500 feets an exaggeration on my part but it was a hefty fall P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) like i can really make dogs go puff?,,heh yeah right..i read stupid books i dont shoot lightenting bolts /p7 well goodnight, and watch out for killer cocker spaniels at graduation... #1<T1:Kumquoto (IKLP) bye. P#7[T1:Omni Man-iac) my freind told me i fell off the cliff and bounced like a pilsbury dough boy.... /p7 hah. /p7 or isn't that funny? #7[T1:Omni Man-iac) bye..haha glad they werent pit bulls or itd still be attached to my ass....